ధరణి نور

Yesterday I had the pleasure of eavesdropping on a conversation between you and your amma as we were driving to the kitty in Galston. She was telling you about what you both did through the night, how her pilates class went, that she's planning to call Lalitha on Monday to book an appointment, and you responded by cooing and giggling and audibly frowning. Finally she said, "Amma loves you so much Dharani; Otherwise there's no way she'd be in the backseat of a car." What a lovely thing to say?!

I've known your mother for half our lifetimes now and I can't tell you how stunned I'm by her transformation. Such patience, such nurturingness, the intensity of her love (though I've seen glimpses of it when we were way younger), this obsession with you is incredible to see up close. In Dedh Ishqiya's Khalujaan's pyramid, she's progressed from dilkashi to junoon rapidly. She's fallen in love and this was definitely love at first sight- I know, I was there.

Perhaps its the same for most women- I'm willing to wager that there is a qualitative difference in how men seem to perceive their children and in how women do. Ofcourse, I can't measure or test it but based on my personal experience and talking to other guys, I'm fairly convinced that in both kind and degree, there is a lot of difference. Yet it's jaw-dropping to sometimes think that this is the same young woman who came across so differently through her late teens and twenties now becoming this microcosmic Mother Nature. You might never be able to grasp what I'm saying because she is your mother as far you're concerned, a middle-aged woman first and then progressively an older, physically weakening one, and perhaps that's the way things should be; Yet I feel compelled to tell you this. Its not to prompt gratitude or demand respect or a variation of 'your parents are people too who did so much for you so treat them well ta da ta da'. You really don't owe us anything, if anything we'll always be indebted to you. Its simply because I find this unbearably beautiful and want to share it with my daughter. In some ways that is my mission statement as your nanna- to do what I can to introduce you to the beauty of the world in all its myriad forms.

Which brings us to your name- why Dharani Noor? I've been thinking of writing this explainer to you for a few weeks now since a few people reacted in ways that stung but now that justification feels irrelevant. Its your name and as unusual and as unappetising some people may find it now, for you it'll be the most obvious thing in the world- it might even end up being semantically satiated for all I know. So while I started off wanting to answer their questions, in case you grow up and are asked similar ones, now I think you'll find ways to answer it on your own accord. More power to you girl! Despite that I want to trip on your name for a bit because since you were conceived and we zeroed on this particular name, until you popped out this name was what we adorned all our fantasies with- we're going to do this with DN, we're going to show DN this film, DN must listen to this album, when will we get to see Masai Mara with DN etc.

So briefly,
Dharani: Amma's first choice was Mithila (though a long time ago it was Lopamudra), then Mukta. I said I didn't like either. We both liked Sita but it felt too simple. That led us to Bhoomija and Dharanija. Then we dropped the ja because I didn't want a name with a religious connotation. So Dharani it is, and what's not to love. We're both awestruck by Earth in all its glory, and everything its allowed/encouraged/hosted to grow and this felt like a way to convey to you and the world our love and gratitude for it.
Noor: While I tell people, "its not a Muslim name, its an Urdu name", and that's the truth, I also wanted to give you a Muslim-sounding name. To burnish my secular credentials, I won't deny, but that's only part of the reason. I genuinely believe my viraasat includes everything in the world and I didn't want to confine you to only one 'Hindu/Telugu/Brahmin' aspect of it. No, I don't believe in nominative determinism but I've seen quite a few people confer their notions onto others once they learn their name and, after some prodding, surname thereby not granting the other person an opportunity to express their individuality (As the line in A Wednesday goes, "इंसान नाम में मज़हब ढूंढ लेता है।"). I wanted to throw them off on the one hand while also armouring you with two names from two different cultures you can use as you see fit- to mingle or to standout. Why not a Christian or a Sikh or a Buddhist sounding name then. Mostly for practical reasons but also there's something else- there's something about Sufiyana that makes my heart heavy. I don't use the word in a scholarly sense for I know too little. I mean it in the conventional sense- Coke Studio Pakistan, Rumi, 'Islamic Architecture' at dusk, Khayal, a certain kind of Urdu poetry, Bollywood Sufi songs- that is the closest I've come to a transcendental/spiritual experience. And I somehow wanted my child's name to signify that. That's why your name is Dharani Noor - Light of the Earth.

I can't speak for your mum but I don't think I'd mind if you grew up and wanted to change your name; Though I might look a little foolish carrying around Dharani Noor tattoed on my forearm. You're an individual ("जब लोग टाइप बनने में लगे हुए थे, वो व्यक्ति बन ने की कोशिश कर रहा था।" -Agyeya via Divya Prakash Dubey) - and while its hard work, even life's work, insisting on that axiom, I think life's all the more better for it. I'm trying to do the same and hope to give you company as you start growing up. You're the sovereign, and I'll do my best to stop myself or anyone imposing their will on you.

I love you Dharani, I love you Noor.